Modern Lifestyle Humorist Gifts

'Mom, at what age do you lose it and start posting photos of your meals on social media?'

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

"Kevin, I'm leaving you to find myself ... a better Internet connection."

Peter

"You are still here."

Pop Top Ice FIshing

This man is an island.

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

'The little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home and shopped online...'

"You text LOL, but you have yet to actualize LOL..."

Death Styles of the Rich and Famous

Goodnight Social Media.

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

Late Bloomers

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"Lemonade App: $1"

"He doesn't have to worry about his preschool placement - he interviews well."

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

Gotta take you out, kid – You're getting booed off the field on my Twitter feed.

"These days, I don't eat homework. I just install ransomware."

"How am I going to put in a new tape?"

Rocket charmer.

"Bloody Cyclops!"

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

"Prospecting ain't what it used to be."

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."

Castle with parking lot.

'This is a magnificent restaurant. Which fork should I use to comb my hair?'

"I thought we agreed no midnight snacks?"

"I thought you turned location services off."