Modern Lifestyle Humorist T-Shirts

'Mom, at what age do you lose it and start posting photos of your meals on social media?'

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

"Kevin, I'm leaving you to find myself ... a better Internet connection."

"You are still here."

Peter

Pop Top Ice FIshing

This man is an island.

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

'The little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home and shopped online...'

"You text LOL, but you have yet to actualize LOL..."

Death Styles of the Rich and Famous

Goodnight Social Media.

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

Late Bloomers

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

"Lemonade App: $1"

"He doesn't have to worry about his preschool placement - he interviews well."

"These days, I don't eat homework. I just install ransomware."

"How am I going to put in a new tape?"

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

"Bloody Cyclops!"

Rocket charmer.

"Prospecting ain't what it used to be."

"You don't need a prescription, Mr. Beesley - you need an iron...."

"I thought you turned location services off."

"She comes with breast implants,a kiss and tell diary and a reality T.V deal."

"I thought we agreed no midnight snacks?"

'This is a magnificent restaurant. Which fork should I use to comb my hair?'

Castle with parking lot.