Modern Lifestyle Commentator Gifts

'No, Johnny, it's 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away' - not 'an app a day.''

Goodnight Social Media.

A meal of pills.

"It must be for older kids."

"Square any change?"

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'Fetching newspapers is over. Now I aggregate blogs for him.'

"You are still here."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

'Mom, can you tell me about the days before Pilates and Latte's?'

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Photo safaris are not what they used to be: They seem more interested in taking selfies than photos of us these days..."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

"The doctor wants you to point to where it hurts."

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"

Our Troubled Chowders

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

Blues for now.

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

"I'm charging you with texting and driving."

"I detect an accent – money?"

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

'I was texting when my pop spilled on my laptop, which made me drop my iPod. So you see, officer, it wasn't my fault. Blame technology.'

"The coffee is free, but now we rent the tables."

Renaissance Zone

"I'm pretty sure there's a Starbucks on the other side of that big rock."

"Meaning of life!!" "Meaning of 'Game of Thrones' series finale"

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

'We're looking for a wifi hotspot.'