Modern Lifestyle Guru Gifts

'If only texting was an Olympic sport.'

"Organic is nice, but haven't you got anything digital?"

'Fetching newspapers is over. Now I aggregate blogs for him.'

'The royalties from Muffin's internet videos were really good last month!'

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

But is it organic?

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

'I can't wait 'til hunting is googling and gathering is calling out for delivery.'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"I shop, therefore I am."

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

The Modern Novel.

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'Thanks for the book, dad. Now I can reach my computer!'

Fur Baby

"You are still here."

i-teddy

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

'Apparently it downloads data to your brain.'

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"Teenagers! Everyone try to look cool!"

"Why would I want to see anything that far away from my phone?"

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'Mom, can you tell me about the days before Pilates and Latte's?'

"....Reception on my tablet is so much better since I added wifi to my mule..."

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

Perfection

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

Goodnight Social Media.

"As soon as I reconfigure the router, I'll reset my WIFI connection, download and unzip my files, and then I can start the presentation on how to simplify your life!"

The Eternal Question