Modern Lifestyle Critic Gifts

Tunnel of Likes

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

"You are still here."

'This appliance will replace that other appliance which replaced all those original appliances.'

'When you play house, for the sake of your grandmother, please keep your role playing traditional.'

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

'I can't wait 'til hunting is googling and gathering is calling out for delivery.'

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

The Modern Novel.

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

'Thanks for the book, dad. Now I can reach my computer!'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

Fur Baby

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

'Fetching newspapers is over. Now I aggregate blogs for him.'

"Teenagers! Everyone try to look cool!"

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

'Apparently it downloads data to your brain.'

"It's a mixed-use facility: retail space, low-rent housing, luxury apartments, and an area set aside for making steel."

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

"Why would I want to see anything that far away from my phone?"

'Mom, can you tell me about the days before Pilates and Latte's?'

"....Reception on my tablet is so much better since I added wifi to my mule..."

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

Daily Routine

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

Early Man Late Man

Goodnight Social Media.