Modern Lifestyle Analyst Gifts

Modern Slavery

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

Crap from the future.

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

Proud of herself for "never owning a tv" Emily watches eight episodes of a mediocre tv show on her laptop while in bed.

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"You are still here."

'Fetching newspapers is over. Now I aggregate blogs for him.'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

Modern Life Blues

'Mom, can you tell me about the days before Pilates and Latte's?'

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Goodnight Social Media.

"Photo safaris are not what they used to be: They seem more interested in taking selfies than photos of us these days..."

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

"The coffee is free, but now we rent the tables."

"Very funny."

Renaissance Zone

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

Two ATMs sit side by side; one is labeled "Cash" while the other is labeled "Power".

'If I never get my 15 minutes of fame, I at least want a giant cutout face of myself.'

"He looks so natural."

"A messenger from the West Side, Your Highness."

"I am exercising. I'm doing some online walking around an online mall."

"Luckily, our retirement funds are entirely in double lattes."

Hazard of texting

T-Shirts. Just do it. Just watch it.

Vending machine offers tea and sympathy

'The royalties from Muffin's internet videos were really good last month!'

"We have very little need these days to employ a cudgel."

"Guess which one I made with a 3-D printer."