Modern Lifestyle Analyst Gifts

Modern Slavery

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

Crap from the future.

Proud of herself for "never owning a tv" Emily watches eight episodes of a mediocre tv show on her laptop while in bed.

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"You are still here."

'Fetching newspapers is over. Now I aggregate blogs for him.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

Modern Life Blues

'Mom, can you tell me about the days before Pilates and Latte's?'

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Goodnight Social Media.

"Photo safaris are not what they used to be: They seem more interested in taking selfies than photos of us these days..."

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

"Very funny."

"The coffee is free, but now we rent the tables."

'If I never get my 15 minutes of fame, I at least want a giant cutout face of myself.'

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

Renaissance Zone

Two ATMs sit side by side; one is labeled "Cash" while the other is labeled "Power".

"He looks so natural."

'I always thought Facebook was the perfect roommate...Until the rent came due.'

"A messenger from the West Side, Your Highness."

"I am exercising. I'm doing some online walking around an online mall."

"Luckily, our retirement funds are entirely in double lattes."

Hazard of texting

T-Shirts. Just do it. Just watch it.

'The royalties from Muffin's internet videos were really good last month!'

"Pop-up prison."

"We have very little need these days to employ a cudgel."