Modern Lifestyle Enthusiast Gifts

'She looks so liberated.'

Texting the psychiatrist

'Mom, can you tell me about the days before Pilates and Latte's?'

'Yes, that sweater makes you look bulky!'

I'm never home to talk to my plants, so I text them.

'Yes, you still have to answer questions in class even if you went over your phone plan's allotted minutes.'

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

'What's the opposite of evolution?'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

'I can't wait 'til hunting is googling and gathering is calling out for delivery.'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

The Modern Novel.

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'Thanks for the book, dad. Now I can reach my computer!'

'Fetching newspapers is over. Now I aggregate blogs for him.'

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

Fur Baby

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

"Teenagers! Everyone try to look cool!"

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

'Apparently it downloads data to your brain.'

"Hi, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn."

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

"Why would I want to see anything that far away from my phone?"

"I wasn't copying off others. I was just crowdsourcing the answers."

"....Reception on my tablet is so much better since I added wifi to my mule..."

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

"As soon as I reconfigure the router, I'll reset my WIFI connection, download and unzip my files, and then I can start the presentation on how to simplify your life!"

The Eternal Question

"Social media makes it impossible to see, hear or speak no evil."