Modern Lifestyle Appreciator Gifts

'Speak louder. I can't hear you.'

'He has his own driver, two private secretaries and noe even three personal drones.'

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'Thanks for the book, dad. Now I can reach my computer!'

Fur Baby

"You are still here."

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

Glyndebourne

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

"Teenagers! Everyone try to look cool!"

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

'Apparently it downloads data to your brain.'

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"Hi, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn."

"Why would I want to see anything that far away from my phone?"

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'Mom, can you tell me about the days before Pilates and Latte's?'

"I wasn't copying off others. I was just crowdsourcing the answers."

"....Reception on my tablet is so much better since I added wifi to my mule..."

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

"As soon as I reconfigure the router, I'll reset my WIFI connection, download and unzip my files, and then I can start the presentation on how to simplify your life!"

The Eternal Question

"Photo safaris are not what they used to be: They seem more interested in taking selfies than photos of us these days..."

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

"Social media makes it impossible to see, hear or speak no evil."

"The coffee is free, but now we rent the tables."

"Good grief, Bradbury! How long have you been working at home?"