Modern Lifestyle Aficionado Gifts

"Why would I want to see anything that far away from my phone?"

"Sir, as a courtesy to our other patrons, I'll have to ask you to leave if you don't begin mindlessly staring at your phone."

'Gross...such an old school way of checking in!!!'

One of the many advantages of shopping online!

Modern nagging

Self checkout and 'selfie' check out at a store.

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

"I'm prescribing a mild sedative. Go wine shopping and get yourself a nice Chablis."

'I just love this new reality show, TRADING BANK ACCOUNTS!'

Somewhere in France: "I thought I was buying goat cheese. I endedup with a chateau in the Loire."

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

"Teenagers! Everyone try to look cool!"

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

The Ladies Who Lurch.

"My secret is having a ton of money to buy the best ingredients."

"Hi, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn."

"I wasn't copying off others. I was just crowdsourcing the answers."

'Mom, can you tell me about the days before Pilates and Latte's?'

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

"The coffee is free, but now we rent the tables."

"Good grief, Bradbury! How long have you been working at home?"

"How does one experience the ultimate selfie? Swallow your cell phone."

'New money or old money?'

Drones deliver gold, frankincense and myrrh to baby Jesus.

"Our Trash Dash order is on its way."

The News in Capsule Form.

Garden of Earthly Delights

'I was a multi-millionaire back when it meant something.'

'If I never get my 15 minutes of fame, I at least want a giant cutout face of myself.'

"I want you two to meet some people who just bought a fabulous five-story brownstone with a garden in Troy, New York."

'Forget the birds and the bees. I downloaded that from the Internet. Tell me about day trading.'