Sedentary Comedian Gifts

"He's busy cross-training. He's drinking with his left hand."

"They remove people who have become 'jammed in armchairs' due to COVID 19 lockdown!"

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

Happy Brithday

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

'Please join me now in a group meditation.'

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

"These are smart socks. They will crawl themselves to the clothes hamper when you throw them on the floor. Make sure they're charged before wearing them."

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

'Prolonged sitting leads to death? What's up with that?'

'Sorry son, I bought you an ice-cream at the corner shop, but it melted on the way home...'

Things to do while you're stuck at home during the coronavirus crisis."

"Tonight's big story... we're leaving you... it's not you, it's us..."

Stay at Home Yellowstone.

'Thanks to Obama the Nobel Prize has lost much of its prestige. This is the third time I got one in my surprise meal this week.'

Pantomimes Are Lousy Painters. . .

"We've been here forty years - When do we get our golden parachutes?"

Uncomfortably open Mike night.

'I always said I was a lover, not a fighter, but that was before I got married.'

School of mime has notice on board: 'No talking in class.'

'How many calories do you burn by downloading apps?'

"I spend so much time sitting at my desk, my chair now suffers from separation anxiety. I only left for lunch, and it had to follow me."

Mime Fights: 'I think you broke my jaw!"

"Right now, I'm walking the dog."

Pandemic Pitfall!

"I'm not sure what that feels like."

'I've got to do something about my insomnia. I didn't sleep a wink at work today.'

"And my prince is staying home to do the dishes."

'Being the kids favourite ride in pony club does not make you 'king of the yard'!'