Sedentary Enthusiast Gifts

'Hmm...Sofa sores. This is becoming increasingly common in fat blokes.'

"Doesn't seem like 6 hours on the couch, but you can't argue with a lethargy tracker."

"Chair looks couch potato friendly!"

'Wow, these lights stay on the red cycle for a very long time.'

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

'The Rush Orders department is a shambles, Briggs, and I think you're just the man to turn it around,'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

'Of course business is slow. Would we want it any other way?'

Speed Checked By Radar.

"One day junior, all this will be yours..."

'Sorry, Bill's out of his office today, he should be back Monday.'

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, lady, can't you read?"

Reality television programme - showing infinite regression

"I've always worked from home."

"Do you have any reading material that doesn't mock the sedentary life?"

She went as far as she could to get away from the paperwork.

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

Tortoise Mailman.

"What if I run out of sticky notes to remind myself to get more sticky notes???"

'...I'm taking 9 months off between the end of the summer hols and the start of my gap year...'

"It seems like everything these days is new and improved. . . except you."

'I am sooo tired: I only slept fifteen hours yesterday...'

"Will I be able to carry on not doing any exercise?"

'Yes, up every day at dawn, but there was a shameful time as a teenager when I used to sleep until noon sometimes...'

The speediness of today's world and its logical conclusion.

"Well yes, we've been married for eighty years, but your grandma didn't want to rush things: We were engaged for thirty years before that..."

'I love my job, but the commute is killing me.'

I may not be the smartest tortoise, but I've been around the block a few times. Well, once.

Hippie Army Knife

Girl on couch considers channel-hopping to be a sport

'It's nothing to lose any sleep over. You just have insomnia.

'Who's been cutting their nails again?'

'It's repetitive strain injury - try using the thumb on your other hand for the television remote.'

Bug Loans. What about late fees?