Sedentary Lifestyle Gifts

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

Use it or lose it.

'American, idle.'

"So, let's see what your fitness band says today."

"I can't tell if you're at work or at home."

"Obsessive complacent disorder"

"Whay do they think about all day?"

"He can't come to to the phone - he's sleeping the sleep of the just-can't-be-bothered."

"When you are done exercising your finger, the cat would like to talk to you!"

Modern Childhood

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

"Well, sometimes we take the dogs for a walk...which puts our fitness level at approximately that of an 80-year-old couple."

"Sometimes I think that your pedometer app would give better results if you strapped the phone to your arm."

'Did you know that back in the day kids would go out and play?'

'He's suffering from online obesity.'

'Too long at his desk...we're going need surgery to cut him free.'

We never fly anywhere anymore.

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"Doesn't seem like 6 hours on the couch, but you can't argue with a lethargy tracker."

"Chair looks couch potato friendly!"

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

'I try and humour him...it's the only exercise he gets!'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

"Remember me? I'm your running shoes. Remember what running is?"

A businessman sits behind a desk; a nameplate on the desk reads "A. Nellson: Desk Potato".

'Hmm...Sofa sores. This is becoming increasingly common in fat blokes.'

"Do you have any reading material that doesn't mock the sedentary life?"

"Just back from lunch . . . I needed to stretch my legs."

Reality television programme - showing infinite regression

"It seems like everything these days is new and improved. . . except you."

"I'm not sure that lifting the remote control is what they meant by 'taking exercise'!"

"Will I be able to carry on not doing any exercise?"

"We have a new exercise routine. I moved the refrigerator to the basement and the TV to the attic."