Sedentary Lifestyle Analyst Gifts

"I'm not sure that lifting the remote control is what they meant by 'taking exercise'!"

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

Proud of herself for "never owning a tv" Emily watches eight episodes of a mediocre tv show on her laptop while in bed.

"Doesn't seem like 6 hours on the couch, but you can't argue with a lethargy tracker."

"Chair looks couch potato friendly!"

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

'I try and humour him...it's the only exercise he gets!'

'Too long at his desk...we're going need surgery to cut him free.'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

"Well, sometimes we take the dogs for a walk...which puts our fitness level at approximately that of an 80-year-old couple."

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

'Now don't forget what I told you - no touching!'

"Thanks Mum, but I prefer to use twitter to enlarge the microcosms of daily life."

"Remember me? I'm your running shoes. Remember what running is?"

Latest science behind social distancing advice

"When you are done exercising your finger, the cat would like to talk to you!"

Use it or lose it.

'I want to speak with you about your work habits.' 'You mean work is habit forming?'

'American, idle.'

'Sister Agatha you're flirting with another bad habit,'

"I wouldn't usually say, 'she's always copying me' is grounds for divorce."

"And do you, Robert, mind if I smoke?"

"I hope this isn't meant to be a criticism of our current life style."

'Hmm...Sofa sores. This is becoming increasingly common in fat blokes.'

Reality television programme - showing infinite regression

"Obsessive complacent disorder"

'I was dating a weatherman, but he had this annoying habit of always talking up a storm.'

"Just back from lunch . . . I needed to stretch my legs."

"So, let's see what your fitness band says today."

"It seems like everything these days is new and improved. . . except you."