Schoolmates Gifts

I'm Googling a couple of old uni mates.

Zoology Class. Test Today. What did you get for the question about Fuzzy Wuzzy?

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

Yearbook

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

'Kids, today, Xerf brought in a planet that he found. Now if we look at it closely under the microscope, you can still see it's inhabitants scrambling around.'

Big Bang Theory.

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

"Excuse me, Professor. I think I might have spotted a flaw in your theory!"

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

'I need to read five books this weekend to graduate - any suggestions?'

"So, to sum up, I would like to say that Shakespeare is an awesome genius in the same category as Albert Einstein and Jerry Garcia."

"We've invented a new word!"

'If history keeps repeating itself, why do I have to repeat this class?'

Humanities 101. I hear you're reading Greek plays in there. Yeah, it's a real Medea blitz!

"This is the fourth student who bubbled in Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E when I told the class to 'bubble in your name'!"

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

'Hey, man, cool shirt.'

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

'I reckon we have grounds for a libel action, don't you?.'

Buddhist photo albums,

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

'Where Are They Now?'

"Miss, I suck at playing the flute."

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'