Old Schoolmate Gifts

'Basher Jones, isn't it? The school bully!'

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Zoology Class. Test Today. What did you get for the question about Fuzzy Wuzzy?

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

Yearbook

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

Big Bang Theory.

'Kids, today, Xerf brought in a planet that he found. Now if we look at it closely under the microscope, you can still see it's inhabitants scrambling around.'

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

"Excuse me, Professor. I think I might have spotted a flaw in your theory!"

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

'I need to read five books this weekend to graduate - any suggestions?'

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

'Hey, man, cool shirt.'

'If history keeps repeating itself, why do I have to repeat this class?'

Humanities 101. I hear you're reading Greek plays in there. Yeah, it's a real Medea blitz!

"So, to sum up, I would like to say that Shakespeare is an awesome genius in the same category as Albert Einstein and Jerry Garcia."

"We've invented a new word!"

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

"This is the fourth student who bubbled in Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E when I told the class to 'bubble in your name'!"

'I reckon we have grounds for a libel action, don't you?.'

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

"Miss, I suck at playing the flute."

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

Buddhist photo albums,

'Where Are They Now?'

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

'Thank you for not guessing.'