Old College Friend Gifts

I'll take you two on a trip. Where do you want to go? What are the choices? An old college friend has a lakeside cabin, another has a beach place. And � One has a horse farm we could visit. Wow! Inspirational! Yeah. Finally! A good reason to go to college. The better the school, the better the vacation house.

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Go team!

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

'You have failed on all counts...'

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

"You're right, they are statins."

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"IBS isn't all bad. It was largely responsible for me winning 6 sprinting medals in college track."

"I've decided to major in engineering...college loan debt restructuring."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

Bro of Frankenstein

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

"And before leaving virtual class today be sure and hit that like button!"

Starving Philosophy student grappling with the question of the toast in the machine.

"I didn't know you could do worse than an F. When did they start handing out poop emojis?"

"Same old crowd."

"When you sit down, you get a shock. Open a book, you get a shock. Write something, another shock. It's a typical psychology class."

"I love college."

"Believe me, I didn't amass a billion dollar fortune just to impress you. But... it does, right?"

Enrollment limited to college varsity athletes.

The morning after the night before.