Old College Friend Gifts

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Go team!

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

'You have failed on all counts...'

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

"You're right, they are statins."

"IBS isn't all bad. It was largely responsible for me winning 6 sprinting medals in college track."

"I've decided to major in engineering...college loan debt restructuring."

Bro of Frankenstein

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

"And before leaving virtual class today be sure and hit that like button!"

Starving Philosophy student grappling with the question of the toast in the machine.

"I didn't know you could do worse than an F. When did they start handing out poop emojis?"

"When you sit down, you get a shock. Open a book, you get a shock. Write something, another shock. It's a typical psychology class."

The morning after the night before.

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

Enrollment limited to college varsity athletes.

"Believe me, I didn't amass a billion dollar fortune just to impress you. But... it does, right?"

'Yes, old friend, we've traveled a long road, made a lot of stops, scooped up a lot of poop...'

"Same old crowd."