College Friend Gifts

Safe on campus.

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"I think it's unquestionably the finest letter you've ever written to the 'Yale Alumni Magazine.'"

"My mother broke up with Jesus in college; he wouldn't return her calls."

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

"This diploma marks the end of four years of learning and signals the beginning of a lifetime of alumni giving solicitations."

Class of 2015

Enrollment limited to college varsity athletes.

"When you sit down, you get a shock. Open a book, you get a shock. Write something, another shock. It's a typical psychology class."

'Can we have a starter for ten, please?'

College store.

'I'd invite you in, but I'm way too young to settle for less.'

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

'Great! My parent's place, or your parent's place?'

Awesome. Now let's try this with bottles.

Business Administrations: Join our enrichment program. Learn how to invest in the stock market.

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"IBS isn't all bad. It was largely responsible for me winning 6 sprinting medals in college track."

"I love college."

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

"We are looking for volunteers to give up their seats and not attend some college friend's wedding in Chicago."

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

'If history keeps repeating itself, why do I have to repeat this class?'

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

'You have failed on all counts...'

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

"I've decided to major in engineering...college loan debt restructuring."

Bro of Frankenstein

"And before leaving virtual class today be sure and hit that like button!"

Starving Philosophy student grappling with the question of the toast in the machine.

"I didn't know you could do worse than an F. When did they start handing out poop emojis?"