College Friend Pillows

Safe on campus.

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"I think it's unquestionably the finest letter you've ever written to the 'Yale Alumni Magazine.'"

Welcome to the Fall semester new roommates!

"My mother broke up with Jesus in college; he wouldn't return her calls."

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

"This diploma marks the end of four years of learning and signals the beginning of a lifetime of alumni giving solicitations."

Class of 2015

Enrollment limited to college varsity athletes.

"When you sit down, you get a shock. Open a book, you get a shock. Write something, another shock. It's a typical psychology class."

'Can we have a starter for ten, please?'

College store.

'I'd invite you in, but I'm way too young to settle for less.'

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

'Great! My parent's place, or your parent's place?'

Awesome. Now let's try this with bottles.

Business Administrations: Join our enrichment program. Learn how to invest in the stock market.

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

Hey, don't I know you? Are you serious? U.C. Berkeley, 1993 … Doesn't ring a bell. Picture me with dreds and a goatee. No bell. Flannel shirt and Doc Martens boots. No bell. Awesome thumb ring. No bell (Sigh) … picture me 50 lbs lither. Lemont! Buddy!

To: Rudy Park. From: Lemont Brown. What're you up to these days, Brother Park? That depends. If we're talking the SimCity game I began back when we were in college in '93 … I'm up to 14 linked quad-core RAID devices that take up the whole basement. That's not what I meant. It's costing me a fortune, but I've been playing the same game for so long that I'm pretty sure my 59 billion Sims have become sentient and worship me as a deity. I meant how do you spend your time these days? Working. I've go

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

This girl I knew from college has been texting me. I'm starting to wonder whether she's flirting. There's an easy way to tell, little buddy: What was the ratio of hot vs. cold words? "Hot words"? Hot. Sweaty. Tingly. Quiver. Melting. Breathe. Heart. Squeezed. Steamy. Crave. Soft. Sparkle. Sensuous. Tremor. If at least two-fifths of the words someone texts you are hot, you're in definite flirt-territory. I don't recognize any of those words.

Campus Library. How was your Russian poetry class? Rhyme and punishment.

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"IBS isn't all bad. It was largely responsible for me winning 6 sprinting medals in college track."

"I love college."

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

"We are looking for volunteers to give up their seats and not attend some college friend's wedding in Chicago."

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

'If history keeps repeating itself, why do I have to repeat this class?'