College Professor Friend Pillows

"Surely, as the world's only superpower, we're entitled to a little mischief now and then."

'Hmph. College kids.'

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

'This part was tenure.'

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

Spring To Do List: Teach, Testing, Testing,Test Some More. . .

Through These Hallowed Halls, walks Our Future - "Talk about putting pressure on a guy!"

'You have failed on all counts...'

Subatomic particles

Endangered Species - Hardly/Slightly/Extremely.

The Giamatti era

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'They say my tests are too hard. Maybe I should switch from Essay to Connect-the-Dot.'

Smart Bomb.

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

Professor Swizzlestix explains his point....

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"IBS isn't all bad. It was largely responsible for me winning 6 sprinting medals in college track."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

Teacher's pet dog

"I don't like a school year that begins with 'while you were out'."

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

"Yes, Donald, I know you didn't expect a test today... that's why it's called a pop quiz!"

"I can't believe I'm paying $5,000 a month for you to stream Intro to Psychology when I get all of TV for $15.99."