Friend From College Pillows

Yakademic: An academic who has been describing their research since they were asked about it over 20 minutes ago.

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

'If history keeps repeating itself, why do I have to repeat this class?'

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

'You have failed on all counts...'

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

"I've decided to major in engineering...college loan debt restructuring."

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

Bro of Frankenstein

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

"IBS isn't all bad. It was largely responsible for me winning 6 sprinting medals in college track."

"And before leaving virtual class today be sure and hit that like button!"

Starving Philosophy student grappling with the question of the toast in the machine.

"I didn't know you could do worse than an F. When did they start handing out poop emojis?"

The morning after the night before.

"I can't believe it! In all my years in corporate business, yours must be the worst case of paper cuts I have ever seen."

'I'll pause for your moans and groans.'

"I love college."

Enrollment limited to college varsity athletes.

"I got the highest grade in the class, except the giraffe."

"When you sit down, you get a shock. Open a book, you get a shock. Write something, another shock. It's a typical psychology class."

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

If you know that you would benefit from a 15 minute nap during the day, do your best to take one.

"Excuse me, but is this the canteen or the office?"

"Surely, as the world's only superpower, we're entitled to a little mischief now and then."