Old Classmate Gifts

'Remember when you wrote, 'Let's keep in touch' in my yearbook? Well here I am.'

'My school reunion is in three days. Any suggestions on how I can at least appear to have achieved greatness by then?'

Zoology Class. Test Today. What did you get for the question about Fuzzy Wuzzy?

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

Yearbook

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

Big Bang Theory.

'Kids, today, Xerf brought in a planet that he found. Now if we look at it closely under the microscope, you can still see it's inhabitants scrambling around.'

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

"Excuse me, Professor. I think I might have spotted a flaw in your theory!"

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

'I need to read five books this weekend to graduate - any suggestions?'

Humanities 101. I hear you're reading Greek plays in there. Yeah, it's a real Medea blitz!

"We've invented a new word!"

'Hey, man, cool shirt.'

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

"So, to sum up, I would like to say that Shakespeare is an awesome genius in the same category as Albert Einstein and Jerry Garcia."

"This is the fourth student who bubbled in Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E when I told the class to 'bubble in your name'!"

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

'I reckon we have grounds for a libel action, don't you?.'

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

'Where Are They Now?'

"Miss, I suck at playing the flute."

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

Buddhist photo albums,

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

'Thank you for not guessing.'