Former Classmates Gifts

'No, that's my photo above the caption: 'Student most likely to succeed'.'

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Zoology Class. Test Today. What did you get for the question about Fuzzy Wuzzy?

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

Yearbook

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

'Kids, today, Xerf brought in a planet that he found. Now if we look at it closely under the microscope, you can still see it's inhabitants scrambling around.'

Big Bang Theory.

"Excuse me, Professor. I think I might have spotted a flaw in your theory!"

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

'I need to read five books this weekend to graduate - any suggestions?'

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

'Hey, man, cool shirt.'

Humanities 101. I hear you're reading Greek plays in there. Yeah, it's a real Medea blitz!

"This is the fourth student who bubbled in Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E when I told the class to 'bubble in your name'!"

"We've invented a new word!"

"So, to sum up, I would like to say that Shakespeare is an awesome genius in the same category as Albert Einstein and Jerry Garcia."

Happy Retirement

'I reckon we have grounds for a libel action, don't you?.'

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

Buddhist photo albums,

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

'Where Are They Now?'

"Miss, I suck at playing the flute."

'Thank you for not guessing.'

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

'Columbus might not have sailed over the edge, but I did.'

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

"The success of the guillotine helped it's inventor get ahead...let me rephrase that..."