Former Classmate Gifts

"This is my first high school reunion. Previously, I wasn't successful enough to rub anyone's nose in it."

"Well Perkins – you've aged well!"

"Of course I remember you. I remember everyone."

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

Zoology Class. Test Today. What did you get for the question about Fuzzy Wuzzy?

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

Yearbook

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

'Kids, today, Xerf brought in a planet that he found. Now if we look at it closely under the microscope, you can still see it's inhabitants scrambling around.'

"Excuse me, Professor. I think I might have spotted a flaw in your theory!"

Big Bang Theory.

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

'I need to read five books this weekend to graduate - any suggestions?'

Humanities 101. I hear you're reading Greek plays in there. Yeah, it's a real Medea blitz!

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

"We've invented a new word!"

'Hey, man, cool shirt.'

"So, to sum up, I would like to say that Shakespeare is an awesome genius in the same category as Albert Einstein and Jerry Garcia."

"This is the fourth student who bubbled in Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E when I told the class to 'bubble in your name'!"

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

Happy Retirement

'I reckon we have grounds for a libel action, don't you?.'

'Where Are They Now?'

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

Buddhist photo albums,

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

"Miss, I suck at playing the flute."