Former Classmate Gifts

"This is my first high school reunion. Previously, I wasn't successful enough to rub anyone's nose in it."

"Well Perkins – you've aged well!"

"Of course I remember you. I remember everyone."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

Yearbook

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

"Excuse me, Professor. I think I might have spotted a flaw in your theory!"

'Kids, today, Xerf brought in a planet that he found. Now if we look at it closely under the microscope, you can still see it's inhabitants scrambling around.'

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

'I need to read five books this weekend to graduate - any suggestions?'

"We've invented a new word!"

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

"This is the fourth student who bubbled in Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E when I told the class to 'bubble in your name'!"

'Hey, man, cool shirt.'

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

Happy Retirement

'I reckon we have grounds for a libel action, don't you?.'

Buddhist photo albums,

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

"Miss, I suck at playing the flute."

'Where Are They Now?'

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'Thank you for not guessing.'

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."