Ex-student Gifts

"The sad part is, if one of them becomes a big success, he'll say he was self taught."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

'Sorry Henry, but I'm looking for something a little more permanent.'

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

"I'm leaving you, Steven....It's all there in my text message."

"So I gave her the 2-diamond love-and-BFFF ring and she grave me a big kiss, sold it, and went on a cruise. That's bad, right?!"

'Look, I want you back, but I'm not going to beg.'

"People Change"

'Never mind that you could have bought Microsoft years ago - I could have married Bill Gates,'

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

"And the person who made all those promises, this man you loved, trusted and ran away with, who subsequently stole your life savings and then abandoned you... is he in the courtroom today?"

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

Say, aren't you my old shop teacher who said I couldn't cut a straight line to save my life?

'Your ex is calling. Her investment club bought 51 of the company, and you're fired!'

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

"Love is grand... divorce is a hundred grand."

Revenge Graffiti.

'Don't take it the wrong way, we could always be friends'

"I'm not a vindictive person, Charles. When your chickens do come home to roost I hope they're free range chickens."

Generation Ex.

Squawk! The parrot goes or I go! The parrot goes or I go! Squawk!

Whilst browsing in his local flea market, Jimmy has an awkward encounter with an ex.

At the Brew-haha Comedy Club

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

'I wasn't expecting this when they said they wanted to settle out of court!!'