Schoolmate Gifts

We'll now take a minute for silent meditation.

Romeo and Juliet 2.0

'Ramona! You haven't changed a bit!'

School reunion

'I reckon we have grounds for a libel action, don't you?.'

"Hey, Dinwiddie twins! Remember me? Drusilla Settle from fourth-period geometry!"

'Hey, man, cool shirt.'

Domestic Superheroes!!

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

Speed Dating for Turtles

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

Zoology Class. Test Today. What did you get for the question about Fuzzy Wuzzy?

The Audacity of Fake Environmental Hope

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

Biofelineism

'Every piece of equipment is hooked up to battery cells in the basement, and we actually sell electricity back to the power company!'

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

Yearbook

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

'Are we broke yet?'

'Who gets the decaf?'

Big Bang Theory.