School Colleague Gifts

"The kindergarteners have breached their classroom confines, and are headed this way. We'll be overrun within minutes. What should we do?"

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

James Bond in a Snow Globe

International Women's Day

'Look, you can only do so much!'

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

'For your information, I am engaging the energy of change and complexity to create the future I desire.'

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

Colour Version: Living by the Clock

Boss's Desk Says No!

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

Doug had trouble getting home at a decent hour.

"Meet The Author"

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

The Audacity of Fake Environmental Hope

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"The fish sticks here are very good."