Academic Colleague Gifts

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

James Bond in a Snow Globe

Albania and North Macedonia: entrance denied

'Dr.Sall Thompson got so excited over the new spring design she took a quantum leap!'

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

'Look, you can only do so much!'

International Women's Day

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

Typical Brain Versus Einstein's Brain

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

'For your information, I am engaging the energy of change and complexity to create the future I desire.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

Pretty Flowers

"She's done it! The formula for work-life balance!"

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."