Academic Friend Gifts

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

'This part was tenure.'

Spring To Do List: Teach, Testing, Testing,Test Some More. . .

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

'You have failed on all counts...'

Endangered Species - Hardly/Slightly/Extremely.

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'They say my tests are too hard. Maybe I should switch from Essay to Connect-the-Dot.'

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

"I don't like a school year that begins with 'while you were out'."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"IBS isn't all bad. It was largely responsible for me winning 6 sprinting medals in college track."

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"These brisk fall afternoons remind me of Chekhov, which reminds me of Putin, then Trump, the alt-right, facism, nuclear weapons ... let's go home."

"And before leaving virtual class today be sure and hit that like button!"

'Here's another email from a parent, written in lower case with no punctuation and seventeen spelling errors, demanding we do a better job of teaching social skills.'

"Tell me again how many young minds I will have shaped by the end of my teaching career."

"I didn't know you could do worse than an F. When did they start handing out poop emojis?"

Enrollment limited to college varsity athletes.

"When you sit down, you get a shock. Open a book, you get a shock. Write something, another shock. It's a typical psychology class."

'The principal is keeping my teacher after school. She kicked the computer.'

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

Principal to teacher with trap door below her desk: 'The board thinks people teach better under pressure.'

'I was going to teach them the meaning of life ... but it wasn't on the test.'

'I'm bright enough. I just don't have the right connections.'

"I got the highest grade in the class, except the giraffe."

"I love college."

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'