Graduate Friend Gifts

Principal: 'Is THERE a DOCTORATE in the House?!'

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Make a lot of money."

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

Good Luck!

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

'I wasted a lot of time in graduate school to get this job.'

'I took a couple of years off after college to work on my smirk.'

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

Good Luck!

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

'You have failed on all counts...'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

The Janitor at the Harvard University Alumni Reunion is one of the Gang.

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'Does my head look big in this?'

'So far more education hasn't helped me get a job. I think I'll get some student loans and get some more education.'

Bro of Frankenstein

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

GLAD-YOU-ATION

"IBS isn't all bad. It was largely responsible for me winning 6 sprinting medals in college track."

Hear me, Graduates!

Student Debt

"Quit your whining... Someday you'll appreciate affordable student housing."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"They're harmless when they're alone, but get a bunch of them together with a research grant and watch out."