Graduating Friend Gifts

'..And remember, your success will be measured in how much you donate to the university's alumni fund.'

Big Bang Theory.

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

Four Types of Test-Takers...

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'And what part of the formula don't you understand?'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

Philosophy Department: You are here but why are you here?

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

'You don't have to worry about my future any more -- I just downloaded an entire college education!'

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

'When they came up with a 'do your homework' app, then I'll know technology can really make life better.'

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

'If you're not confused then you realy don't know what's going on... !'

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

'You have failed on all counts...'

'This course in philosophy is not designed to teach you how to make a living. I will be teaching you how to make a life.'

CHAUCER 411, 'Boy -- that guy spells worse than I do!'

'The first exam was easy as ABC, but that one felt more like a D,E or F.'

"Before you grade my test, keep in mind, my dream is to become a wealthy doctor, just like my available father"

"I just take Tommy's computer here and hit delete. I haven't eaten homework in years!"

Day one, post grad

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'