Intellectual Friend Gifts

Rudolf Carnap

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

"These brisk fall afternoons remind me of Chekhov, which reminds me of Putin, then Trump, the alt-right, facism, nuclear weapons ... let's go home."

In the future, human thought will enter an age of clarity and purity never before dreamed of.

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

Endangered Species - Hardly/Slightly/Extremely.

'Could you tone down the smile just a little?'

"And before leaving virtual class today be sure and hit that like button!"

'Who else have I written for? Ridge Park Avenue, 7th Street, Elm Road, Thornwood Drive...'

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

"Let's try one with your hand tucked into your shirt."

'Money can't buy friendship.'-'Neither can poverty.'

"And if you look to the right you'll see what happens if you disrupt my class."

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

"Good evening, Charles - windy out, is it?"

'Secretary Fish and General Grant Amused at the English Outcry over the Alabama Claims'

"So you're saying if I wasn't so smart, I'd have more friends?"

Arabian Nights.

Anthropomorphic Fiction.

Rape of the Lock- The Barge

Campaign 2010.

Wilhelm Dilthey

"Yes, I can see where being Wendy's invisible friend all those years, and then her growing up could cause separation anxiety."

"Just got of the phone with Alex Jones. He tells me the illuminati lizards are approaching the moon. do we have space force on this?"

'Sit!'

Death reads a bedtime story.

'Remember our pillow-talk session, Morton, when you said 'the risk of rejection gives love it's existential edge'?'

'Can we have a starter for ten, please?'

Flowers Explosion!

"My goodness, Albert! Open your eyes and watch out where you're going while grazing!"

'Republican Valentines' They really love the word 'NO!'

Scientist taking air quality reading on roof with canary wearing gas mask.