Intellectual Friend Gifts

Rudolf Carnap

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

"These brisk fall afternoons remind me of Chekhov, which reminds me of Putin, then Trump, the alt-right, facism, nuclear weapons ... let's go home."

Philosophie.fr Bulletin Board - 1936

In the future, human thought will enter an age of clarity and purity never before dreamed of.

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

Endangered Species - Hardly/Slightly/Extremely.

'Could you tone down the smile just a little?'

"And before leaving virtual class today be sure and hit that like button!"

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

I told you the King wasn't ready for irony!

'Who else have I written for? Ridge Park Avenue, 7th Street, Elm Road, Thornwood Drive...'

"Let's try one with your hand tucked into your shirt."

'Money can't buy friendship.'-'Neither can poverty.'

"And if you look to the right you'll see what happens if you disrupt my class."

Arabian Nights.

"Good evening, Charles - windy out, is it?"

'Secretary Fish and General Grant Amused at the English Outcry over the Alabama Claims'

I hear you're preaching godlessness, you little heathen. I'm preaching intellectual honesty. There is no proof of a Judeo Christian almighty. You might as well believe in Zeus or the spiritual powers of a raisin scone. Where do you think morality comes from? What do you think is the basis for our civil society? The almighty! All hail the raisin scone! HOJ.

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

"So you're saying if I wasn't so smart, I'd have more friends?"

Anthropomorphic Fiction.

Campaign 2010.

"Yes, I can see where being Wendy's invisible friend all those years, and then her growing up could cause separation anxiety."

'Sit!'

Wilhelm Dilthey

"Just got of the phone with Alex Jones. He tells me the illuminati lizards are approaching the moon. do we have space force on this?"

Rape of the Lock- The Barge

Death reads a bedtime story.

"My goodness, Albert! Open your eyes and watch out where you're going while grazing!"

Flowers Explosion!

'Remember our pillow-talk session, Morton, when you said 'the risk of rejection gives love it's existential edge'?'