New Colleague Gifts

"Johnson, you're new here, right? Mind if I pick your brain?"

"I like that new chap Jenkins. Seems to be a good listener."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

James Bond in a Snow Globe

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

'Look, you can only do so much!'

International Women's Day

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

'For your information, I am engaging the energy of change and complexity to create the future I desire.'

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

Colour Version: Living by the Clock

Boss's Desk Says No!

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Meet The Author"

Doug had trouble getting home at a decent hour.

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Can do...No can do

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

The Audacity of Fake Environmental Hope