Schoolmate Pillows

We'll now take a minute for silent meditation.

Romeo and Juliet 2.0

'Ramona! You haven't changed a bit!'

School reunion

'I reckon we have grounds for a libel action, don't you?.'

"Hey, Dinwiddie twins! Remember me? Drusilla Settle from fourth-period geometry!"

'Hey, man, cool shirt.'

Domestic Superheroes!!

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Biofelineism

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

Yearbook

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

'Who gets the decaf?'

"Excuse me, Professor. I think I might have spotted a flaw in your theory!"

'Kids, today, Xerf brought in a planet that he found. Now if we look at it closely under the microscope, you can still see it's inhabitants scrambling around.'

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

'Are we broke yet?'

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.