Old Classmate Pillows

'Remember when you wrote, 'Let's keep in touch' in my yearbook? Well here I am.'

'My school reunion is in three days. Any suggestions on how I can at least appear to have achieved greatness by then?'

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

Yearbook

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

'Kids, today, Xerf brought in a planet that he found. Now if we look at it closely under the microscope, you can still see it's inhabitants scrambling around.'

"Excuse me, Professor. I think I might have spotted a flaw in your theory!"

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

'I need to read five books this weekend to graduate - any suggestions?'

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

"We've invented a new word!"

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

'Hey, man, cool shirt.'

"This is the fourth student who bubbled in Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E when I told the class to 'bubble in your name'!"

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

'I reckon we have grounds for a libel action, don't you?.'

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

'Where Are They Now?'

"Miss, I suck at playing the flute."

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

Buddhist photo albums,

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

'Thank you for not guessing.'

"You're right, they are statins."