Old School Friend Gifts

"The good news is that I remember you from high school. Unfortunately, that's also the bad news."

"Wow, you look just like you did in school!"

'Of course I remember you. Potkins the Peter Pan of the Lower Fourth.'

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

"Why bother?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

7 Dwarves of Retirement

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"You know you're getting old when..."

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

Heavy meals on wheels

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

"Now, my brave little soldier, do you have everything...an apple for your teacher, your satchel, pencils and books - your existential misery??"

'I'm fighting ageing.'

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

Remote Control Duck

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

"Just when I thought I had all the answers, I forgot what the questions were."

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

"You're right, they are statins."

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

Medication for the elderly

Maybe you should leave the evolving to the younger fish.

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."