Old School Friends Gifts

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

'Tracy is in a good mood today. She's met an old school friend who's fatter than her now.'

Class re-union - "You must remember Harry! He was the class hamster."

"I want you to hire that last applicant. I went to high school with him. Pay him double the usual salary. . . then fire him the day! Revenge is sweet!"

Albert & Myra - The End Story

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

"Now, my brave little soldier, do you have everything...an apple for your teacher, your satchel, pencils and books - your existential misery??"

"Everybody meets online these days."

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

"You're right, they are statins."

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

"Same old crowd."

Say, aren't you my old shop teacher who said I couldn't cut a straight line to save my life?

Why does every kid want the wallet size? School picture, early days.

'Listen Mabel, you are 70, I am 75 and we have known each other since junior school. It's pure wishful thinking on your part if you claim I am 'grooming' you...'

'Yes, old friend, we've traveled a long road, made a lot of stops, scooped up a lot of poop...'

"Believe me, I didn't amass a billion dollar fortune just to impress you. But... it does, right?"

Who's Dead

Remember when?... When was that?

'We,ve still got it,Fred-it's a pity they don't want it anymore!'

"Fusilli, you crazy bastard! How are you?"

'Well, as I live and breathe. If it isn't Rex Harris! I thought you were extinct.'

"Ha ha. You tell that one in every lifetime. Ha ha. It never gets old."

"Yesterday I got in touch with a childhood friend!"

When Seniors Fly

"Drop by the next time you're in the eighties."

De Luxe Model - Cupholders.

Looking back, I should have said yes when Sophia Loren asked me to elope. Eventually, even hindsight isn't 20/20.

"Hey, Frankie, remember me? Summer of '88—we were twelve and you buried me up to my neck and left me to die."

'Gus! Get over here and see what our tattoos used to look like!'