Old-school Pal Gifts

'I remember when a social network meant a bar.'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"What old school? This is my life."

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

'I'm old enough to remember when smiley faces were right side up.'

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

"Midtown Vinyl. Vintage albums + EPs. Midtown Ink. Vintage books + newspapers."

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

'There's no delete key. You have to use the board eraser.'

"Everybody meets online these days."

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

Abacus.

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

"You're right, they are statins."

'Do you know what I miss? - Chalk talks!'

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

Peace on Earth

'Yes, old friend, we've traveled a long road, made a lot of stops, scooped up a lot of poop...'

'We,ve still got it,Fred-it's a pity they don't want it anymore!'

Who's Dead

"I'd like to make a return."

Remember when?... When was that?

"Believe me, I didn't amass a billion dollar fortune just to impress you. But... it does, right?"

'Listen Mabel, you are 70, I am 75 and we have known each other since junior school. It's pure wishful thinking on your part if you claim I am 'grooming' you...'

"Same old crowd."

"Fusilli, you crazy bastard! How are you?"

'Well, as I live and breathe. If it isn't Rex Harris! I thought you were extinct.'

The Club

"Ha ha. You tell that one in every lifetime. Ha ha. It never gets old."

"Yesterday I got in touch with a childhood friend!"