Old Acquaintance Gifts

"I’d like to take this opportunity to return the Spin Doctors CD Jerry lent me in 1991."

"Ok but enough about me, how's life been treating you?"

Though excited to see him after so many years, Jeanette couldn't help but notice Dwight's wine gut.

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

7 Dwarves of Retirement

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

"You know you're getting old when..."

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

Heavy meals on wheels

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

"Of course I have a little weekend shell in the country..."

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

'I'm fighting ageing.'

"Just when I thought I had all the answers, I forgot what the questions were."

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

"You're right, they are statins."

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

"I'd like to get my withdrawal in either cryptocurrency or social-media exposure."

Maybe you should leave the evolving to the younger fish.

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

'We,ve still got it,Fred-it's a pity they don't want it anymore!'

'When the poor dear retired, he found that he missed his little cubicle.'

Who's Dead

"Believe me, I didn't amass a billion dollar fortune just to impress you. But... it does, right?"

'Yes, old friend, we've traveled a long road, made a lot of stops, scooped up a lot of poop...'