Old Acquaintance Pillows

"I’d like to take this opportunity to return the Spin Doctors CD Jerry lent me in 1991."

"Ok but enough about me, how's life been treating you?"

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

Heavy meals on wheels

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

'I'm fighting ageing.'

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

"Of course I have a little weekend shell in the country..."

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

"Just when I thought I had all the answers, I forgot what the questions were."

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

"You're right, they are statins."

"I'd like to get my withdrawal in either cryptocurrency or social-media exposure."

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

'When the poor dear retired, he found that he missed his little cubicle.'

"Same old crowd."

"Believe me, I didn't amass a billion dollar fortune just to impress you. But... it does, right?"

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

Chairs - a bar where everybody has a seat!

Remember when?... When was that?

'Listen Mabel, you are 70, I am 75 and we have known each other since junior school. It's pure wishful thinking on your part if you claim I am 'grooming' you...'

'We,ve still got it,Fred-it's a pity they don't want it anymore!'