Close Acquaintances Gifts

"Friendsgiving? Sure. What can I bring?"

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

Shepherd and eurydice

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

A cow poos down a hole.'UH-OH!'

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

Holding hands

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

Infantry.

Senior Jeopardy!

Mother pours bubble bath into child's plastic pool

Mother threatening to gag her baby.

"We balanced our budget this month!"

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

Red Letter Days - Encounter with the old village sweetheart - 'bless my soul! ... Miss Victoire! ...'

'Hon, can you fill the dog's water dish?'

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

"He's only energetic on sunny days."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."