Work Acquaintance Gifts

"I never discourage a little ass kissing Henderson, but this is neither the time nor the place."

"My ringtone sounds like snoring, so it blends in with everything else during these boring meetings."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'What's wrong now?'

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

Superheroes Having a Drink

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

'Everyone's true personality comes out on dress-down Fridays, even the boss's.'

"Make yourself comfortable so that we can discuss your raise."

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

To determine which department would be awarded the Billings contract, employees agreed to play a best-of-five dodgeball tournament.

'We got you a bigger desk. With all the work we'll be dumping on you, you'll be needing it.'

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

"Of course I have a little weekend shell in the country..."

'He's faxing like there's no tomorrow.'

'But before we move on, allow me to belabor the point even further...'

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

"The camera is mounted on your desk for a reason. There's been some paperclips missing, and we think you're the culprit."

"Does this desk make my job look big?"

"I'm going in."

Race for Results

'Miss Barnes, cancel my appointments. If I start swimming now, I can be back in the office in a few weeks.'

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

'I'm here for 10 years and I don't have a clue about what this company is doing. I'm here just because of the gossip!'

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

'Do you spell 'riddance' with one 'd' or two?'