Friend From Work Gifts

"Excuse me, but is this the canteen or the office?"

"I can't believe it! In all my years in corporate business, yours must be the worst case of paper cuts I have ever seen."

If you know that you would benefit from a 15 minute nap during the day, do your best to take one.

Concerned Colleagues

"To prove his point that no one is indispensable, he fired me!"

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

That shows business confidence.

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

'What's wrong now?'

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

Superheroes Having a Drink

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

'Everyone's true personality comes out on dress-down Fridays, even the boss's.'

"Make yourself comfortable so that we can discuss your raise."

To determine which department would be awarded the Billings contract, employees agreed to play a best-of-five dodgeball tournament.

'We got you a bigger desk. With all the work we'll be dumping on you, you'll be needing it.'

Happy Retirement

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

Cog-In-The-Wheel

InOutYada Yada.

'He's faxing like there's no tomorrow.'

Find out that man's name and give him a rise.

'But before we move on, allow me to belabor the point even further...'

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

"The camera is mounted on your desk for a reason. There's been some paperclips missing, and we think you're the culprit."

violence in workplace

"Does this desk make my job look big?"

'I'm here for 10 years and I don't have a clue about what this company is doing. I'm here just because of the gossip!'

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"