Friend With A Corporate Job Gifts

Yes-dog.

Boss's Desk Says No!

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

That shows business confidence.

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

Superheroes Having a Drink

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

'Everyone's true personality comes out on dress-down Fridays, even the boss's.'

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

"Make yourself comfortable so that we can discuss your raise."

Subordinate Employee

'We got you a bigger desk. With all the work we'll be dumping on you, you'll be needing it.'

InOutYada Yada.

Cog-In-The-Wheel

"It's safe to close your eyes and relax...these meetings are safety equipped with front and side airbags."

'He's faxing like there's no tomorrow.'

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

violence in workplace

"Does this desk make my job look big?"

Race for Results

'I'm here for 10 years and I don't have a clue about what this company is doing. I'm here just because of the gossip!'

'Miss Barnes, cancel my appointments. If I start swimming now, I can be back in the office in a few weeks.'

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

'In the corporate world, I'm a survivor.'

'Being taller than me will get you nowhere.'

'What's my secret? I never left work last night.'

'Where should I leave this?'

Your supervisor says you have been giving 100 every week, but at the rate of 20 a day.

'I should have told you, every Friday senior partners get to do the Prosecco Polonaise.'

'Of course, that's just my opinion. It'll be yours, too, if you know what's good for you.'

Fish in Water Cooler.