Friend In Office Gifts

"I like the way you handle responsibility, Fenton, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you."

Boss's Desk Says No!

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

That shows business confidence.

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'What's wrong now?'

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

Superheroes Having a Drink

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

'If history keeps repeating itself, why do I have to repeat this class?'

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

'Everyone's true personality comes out on dress-down Fridays, even the boss's.'

"Make yourself comfortable so that we can discuss your raise."

To determine which department would be awarded the Billings contract, employees agreed to play a best-of-five dodgeball tournament.

"I have good news and bad news, Tom. The good news is good for me. The bad news is bad for you."

'We got you a bigger desk. With all the work we'll be dumping on you, you'll be needing it.'

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

Bureau of the Damned

InOutYada Yada.

Cog-In-The-Wheel

'He's faxing like there's no tomorrow.'

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

'But before we move on, allow me to belabor the point even further...'

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

"Does this desk make my job look big?"

"The camera is mounted on your desk for a reason. There's been some paperclips missing, and we think you're the culprit."

violence in workplace

"I'm going in."

'Miss Jones, take this down.'