Friend Who Works In An Office Gifts

'What's my secret? I never left work last night.'

Thanks to an elaborate system of mirrors, every employee at Vecon Industries had a window view.

It makes me MAD when people think we've nothing better to do than churn out pointless protocols...

'Where should I leave this?'

violence in workplace

Copier is hypnotizing office worker.

'Of course, that's just my opinion. It'll be yours, too, if you know what's good for you.'

"Do you think it is easy to pretend to work?"

Fish in Water Cooler.

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

Cog-In-The-Wheel

"Well that email could have been a meeting."

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

That shows business confidence.

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'What's wrong now?'

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

Superheroes Having a Drink

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

'Everyone's true personality comes out on dress-down Fridays, even the boss's.'

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

"Make yourself comfortable so that we can discuss your raise."

To determine which department would be awarded the Billings contract, employees agreed to play a best-of-five dodgeball tournament.

'We got you a bigger desk. With all the work we'll be dumping on you, you'll be needing it.'

InOutYada Yada.

'He's faxing like there's no tomorrow.'

Find out that man's name and give him a rise.

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

"It's safe to close your eyes and relax...these meetings are safety equipped with front and side airbags."

'But before we move on, allow me to belabor the point even further...'

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

"The camera is mounted on your desk for a reason. There's been some paperclips missing, and we think you're the culprit."