Friend In The Office Gifts

By now you should have realised that I'm incompetent and taken my job...

InOutYada Yada.

Boss's Desk Says No!

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

That shows business confidence.

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'What's wrong now?'

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

Superheroes Having a Drink

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

'Everyone's true personality comes out on dress-down Fridays, even the boss's.'

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

'If history keeps repeating itself, why do I have to repeat this class?'

"Make yourself comfortable so that we can discuss your raise."

To determine which department would be awarded the Billings contract, employees agreed to play a best-of-five dodgeball tournament.

'We got you a bigger desk. With all the work we'll be dumping on you, you'll be needing it.'

'He's faxing like there's no tomorrow.'

"It's safe to close your eyes and relax...these meetings are safety equipped with front and side airbags."

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

Cog-In-The-Wheel

'But before we move on, allow me to belabor the point even further...'

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

"Does this desk make my job look big?"

"The camera is mounted on your desk for a reason. There's been some paperclips missing, and we think you're the culprit."

violence in workplace

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

'Miss Barnes, cancel my appointments. If I start swimming now, I can be back in the office in a few weeks.'

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

'Being taller than me will get you nowhere.'