Corporate Friend Gifts

Board Meeting

'While I can certainly understand your predicament Miss Goodbody, I can't see the Inspector allowing Tax Relief on wear and tear on your shoe leather, caused by running around your desk at work when you are being chased by your employer!'

Boss's Desk Says No!

The MBA Draft

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

'What's wrong now?'

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

Superheroes Having a Drink

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

'Everyone's true personality comes out on dress-down Fridays, even the boss's.'

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

"Make yourself comfortable so that we can discuss your raise."

To determine which department would be awarded the Billings contract, employees agreed to play a best-of-five dodgeball tournament.

"I appreciate your vision and work ethic but I have a budget. How much would it cost for your vision without work ethics?"

'We got you a bigger desk. With all the work we'll be dumping on you, you'll be needing it.'

'Ah, Gripes, you want to discuss a raise with me, eh? Come in, sit down, make yourself comfortable!'

'He's faxing like there's no tomorrow.'

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

'But before we move on, allow me to belabor the point even further...'

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

Business Partners' vows

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

"We could try 'gravity' as an excuse."

"Does this desk make my job look big?"

"The camera is mounted on your desk for a reason. There's been some paperclips missing, and we think you're the culprit."

'Miss Barnes, cancel my appointments. If I start swimming now, I can be back in the office in a few weeks.'

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

'It's not just a job. It's about being part of something bigger than yourself.'

'Looks like no cash bonus this year.'

Race for Results