Friend In Business Gifts

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

Boss's Desk Says No!

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

That shows business confidence.

"Well, it's unanimous. Instead of going out of business quietly, with dignity and grace, we've decided to end things killer asteroid-style, taking as many of our competitors with us as possible!"

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

Superheroes Having a Drink

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

'Everyone's true personality comes out on dress-down Fridays, even the boss's.'

"Make yourself comfortable so that we can discuss your raise."

Subordinate Employee

'We got you a bigger desk. With all the work we'll be dumping on you, you'll be needing it.'

Cog-In-The-Wheel

InOutYada Yada.

'He's faxing like there's no tomorrow.'

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

"We could try 'gravity' as an excuse."

violence in workplace

"Does this desk make my job look big?"

'I'm here for 10 years and I don't have a clue about what this company is doing. I'm here just because of the gossip!'

Race for Results

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

'Miss Barnes, cancel my appointments. If I start swimming now, I can be back in the office in a few weeks.'

'In the corporate world, I'm a survivor.'

'Being taller than me will get you nowhere.'

'Do you spell 'riddance' with one 'd' or two?'

'What's my secret? I never left work last night.'

'Where should I leave this?'

Thanks to an elaborate system of mirrors, every employee at Vecon Industries had a window view.

Your supervisor says you have been giving 100 every week, but at the rate of 20 a day.

'Of course, that's just my opinion. It'll be yours, too, if you know what's good for you.'

'I should have told you, every Friday senior partners get to do the Prosecco Polonaise.'