Friend In Management Gifts

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

'Good news I'm ten percent under budget.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

Line Manager

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'What's wrong now?'

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

"Well, it's unanimous. Instead of going out of business quietly, with dignity and grace, we've decided to end things killer asteroid-style, taking as many of our competitors with us as possible!"

Superheroes Having a Drink

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

'Everyone's true personality comes out on dress-down Fridays, even the boss's.'

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

"Make yourself comfortable so that we can discuss your raise."

Subordinate Employee

To determine which department would be awarded the Billings contract, employees agreed to play a best-of-five dodgeball tournament.

'We got you a bigger desk. With all the work we'll be dumping on you, you'll be needing it.'

InOutYada Yada.

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

'He's faxing like there's no tomorrow.'

'But before we move on, allow me to belabor the point even further...'

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

"We could try 'gravity' as an excuse."

"The camera is mounted on your desk for a reason. There's been some paperclips missing, and we think you're the culprit."

"Does this desk make my job look big?"

'Being taller than me will get you nowhere.'

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

'I'm here for 10 years and I don't have a clue about what this company is doing. I'm here just because of the gossip!'

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

'Miss Barnes, cancel my appointments. If I start swimming now, I can be back in the office in a few weeks.'

"I'm going in."

'In the corporate world, I'm a survivor.'