Friend In The Corporate Sector Gifts

'In the corporate world, I'm a survivor.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

Welcome to the Team

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

"Well, it's unanimous. Instead of going out of business quietly, with dignity and grace, we've decided to end things killer asteroid-style, taking as many of our competitors with us as possible!"

Superheroes Having a Drink

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

'Everyone's true personality comes out on dress-down Fridays, even the boss's.'

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

"Make yourself comfortable so that we can discuss your raise."

'We got you a bigger desk. With all the work we'll be dumping on you, you'll be needing it.'

'Ah, Gripes, you want to discuss a raise with me, eh? Come in, sit down, make yourself comfortable!'

'He's faxing like there's no tomorrow.'

InOutYada Yada.

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

Business Partners' vows

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

"We could try 'gravity' as an excuse."

"Does this desk make my job look big?"

'Miss Barnes, cancel my appointments. If I start swimming now, I can be back in the office in a few weeks.'

Race for Results

'I'm here for 10 years and I don't have a clue about what this company is doing. I'm here just because of the gossip!'

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

'Being taller than me will get you nowhere.'

'Do you spell 'riddance' with one 'd' or two?'

'I should have told you, every Friday senior partners get to do the Prosecco Polonaise.'

Your supervisor says you have been giving 100 every week, but at the rate of 20 a day.

Line Manager

"105% of the staff who completed 84% of the process were 95% sure that it was a 100% waste of time."

"My God!....Will this presentation never end?"

'Good news I'm ten percent under budget.'

Board Meeting